"You don’t need anyone’s affection or approval in order to be good enough. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs, and you don’t have to internalize that. Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you — it’s something inherent. You exist, and therefore, you matter. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You’re allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough. And you’re allowed to remove anyone from your life who makes you feel otherwise."
Daniell Koepke (via psych-facts)
"Being alone has nothing to do with how many people are around."
Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road  (via expeditum)
"I am always getting better. I am always getting worse. Sometimes both in the span of five minutes. And I’m not going to bother explaining the who’s and the what’s and the why’s of it. Explaining everything all the time is what turned me into such a raw nerve in the first place."
Ryan O’Connell  (via dieworten)
"Start ignoring people who threaten your joy.
Literally, ignore them.
Say nothing.
Don’t invite any parts of them into your space."
Alex Elle  (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)


Let’s get in the car and just drive, I don’t give a shit where. Just you, I, and the open road.

"Do not just seek happiness for yourself. Seek happiness for all. Through kindness. Through mercy."
David Levithan, Wide Awake (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)

The 200 facts challenge

You know the trend that been spreading around instagram. #The20FactsaboutMe. I just got one from my friend, but my other friend then said, ‘20 is simply doesn’t enough to explain about you. You have to do 200’. And I found it interesting. You know this challenge is really good, because with this, we possibly can write down things we know about ourselves, and by knowing it, you can optimized what you can achieve? am I right?

So let’s begin. This is gonna take long and boring. so leave it if you’re busy

1. My name ‘deir zahrani’ is adapted from a city in Lebanon that was bombed by Israel in the day I was born. So my father though that he would have a son, so he prepared a boy name. And when he was sitting under the tree in the hospital lawn, reading a newspaper, the headline was reporting about it, and then he thought that Deir Zahrani would be nice for a girl’s name. And so, here I am

2. I have one brother whom I love so much. But don’t tell him I do

3. I can spend hours just looking at the fishes in a tank

4. I love reading

5. My favorite book is Looking For Alaska, by John Green

6. And John Green is also my favorite author lately

7. But there is one book I found very inspirational, titled The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It’s awesome. 

8. I love poetry. 

9. My two favorite poems are You Learn by Jorge L. Borjes and Sonet XVII by Pablo Neruda

10. I cried every time I read Ayat-Ayat Cinta from Habiburahman El Shirazy

11. I don’t have any specific genre in reading, I just read whatever I found interesting

12. I love writing letter. I find that I can express my true self with letters

13. I’m a fast reader, but it takes me a month to finish Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. Simply because English is not my language, I’m Indonesian. And Jane Eyre was written in the kind of English I can only understand 15% of the words. It’s really hard haha. But I enjoyed it

14. I’m a freakingly tropical girl. I prefer hot than cold. I survive the heat but freeze even in Malang’s temperature. That’s why I usually wear layered clothes

15. I love beach

16. I love moom

17. I love flowers. All kind of flowers

18. I love fish, dead or alive

19. I’m a fan of Taylor freaking Swift

20. I always want to speak French

21. My favorite surah from The Quran is Ar-Rahman

22. I read Japanese Manga, and a fan of Miiko desu!

23. I’m a fan of potatoes, seafood, and sushi

24. I’m a fan of tea. Any kind of tea

25. I’m not really a fan of dessert

26. But I’m a fan of Kitkat

27. Places I always can enjoy are library and the zoo

28. I’ve never go abroad YET

29. Well, I like purple as a color

30. I kinda afraid of Height

31. I kinda afraid of dogs

32. I love sweaters

33. I don’t know what else to write. I’m out of facts. damn it’s really hard. Haha. so I guess it’s only reach out thirty three. well, so here it is. #The33factsaboutme ahahaha

Y.E.S #2

Because the answer will be yes
Yes I already saw you in glittery eyes since years ago
Yes I push it down till it shrink but I can’t lie, it grows back
Yes of course you have all the things I expect from one self
And yes you are the idea of dream for me

Because the answer will be yes
If you ask whether I like that good hairs, charming eyes, hypnotizing voice
If you ask whether I like that pages, that poetic words, that joke
If you ask whether I like your shyness, your sentiment, your thoughts
And yes I like those details you put in one package

Because the answer will be yes
I love the late night conversation, I enjoy the dream share notion, I’m happy that we are keeping a safe proportion. 

All you have to do, is just, ask. 

Wherever we goes

Have you ever felt the moment of ‘what if’. The kind of moment when everything around you are left question-marked? Like there’s nothing sure enough to make you brave. Moment when all you can think of is like ‘what if I was wrong,’ or ‘what if it was all only in my head?’, or ‘what if it was all only my own fool fantasy?’ And I found out, that if word ‘what’ is combined with ‘if’, can be such a bad start for everything, because you’ll think bad, and then be afraid. Whenever you try to make a step, you change your mind then move backward. But you know, 

"Nothing worth eating, is free"

"Were we incapable of empathy – of putting ourselves in the position of others and seeing that their suffering is like our own – then ethical reasoning would lead nowhere. If emotion without reason is blind, then reason without emotion is impotent."
― Peter Singer (via psych-quotes)
"I have a picture of the Pont Neuf on a wall in my apartment, but i know that Paris is really on the closet shelf, in the box next to the sleeping bag, with the rest of my diaries."
― Thomas Mallon (via psych-quotes)

The Two Newborn Philosophers

I have one friend, his name is Suri. If you think I’m gonna write some kind of cheesy romance about him, you’re dead wrong. Because, for shit, I won’t

I met him in the first year of my college life. And he appeared as a low profile kind of person at first, but yet I found he is more talkative than he might look like. But that’s not what I want to write about. 

I and Suri, has some kind of weird condition where we both has almost the same story in life, even though came in a different time, with different proportion, but similar lessons. Yes, I wanna write about lesson.

To be honest, the toughest love story I’ve ever taste was in college. The first time I broke up, I told all my closest friends, hoping they can cheer me up. Well they tried, and I appreciated it so much. But the thing that made me stronger, was moment when I told the whole story to Suri, and apparently he had the exact story! I was like, ‘man, this is what I need. A person who felt the shoes’. It was in food stall near campus, we shared our story, emotionally. But the good thing of sharing with him, is that we were not only telling stories, but also lessons. Lessons that he learned, or things I tried to learn or trying to figure out. And it helped me. I’m through.

And now, when things turns out this way, I told Suri everything again. It was in the campus after meeting. I haven’t meet him for two months because of holiday, and when I finally I got a chance to tell him everything, I told him. All my confusion that turns into vision, doubt that turns into faith, all of my emotional experience through my holiday, and he understand it. Because he felt it. He was there too.

And to conclude every hours of me telling all the details, Suri said, that he feels like he’s the luckiest person in the world that he can experience all of these, and feel grateful of going to this city. And I do to. I’m grateful I decided to move out and dared myself to live in a city full of stranger. But I got the best development. I do find friends, but that’s not it. I do felt love a couple of time, but that’s not it. I found myself. My want. My true desire. I figure out things that was left as mysteries all these time. 

I’m happy to be here. I may tired, I may upset. But I’m happy, and I’m grateful.